Forgiving means forgetting... sort of...

It was about three years ago that I realized that forgiving is one of the easiest things for me to do. No matter what someone does or says, I find it impossible to stay mad. I think the main reason I'm so forgiving has something to do with the fact that I forget easily. Whenever something embarrassing happens, or someone does something awful to me, I just think 'Hey, in two/three years time no one's gonna sit and talk about what just happened'. Life moves on.


In my opinion the reason most people are so hesitant to forgive and forget is because of fear. They are afraid that whatever happened to them would happen again. This is actually quite illogical, since it can cause more problems and may well be the reason that the problem would repeat its self. Take for example Susan. Susan is a figment of my imagination and is currently dating Jason. They are happy and have even planned their future together. One fine Saturday morning Susan wakes up, goes to the mall and sees Jason clasped in the arms of her archenemy, Mary. Susan and Jason talk things out and finally break up, with Jason and Mary running off to live in Beijing. Two scenarios can play out from here.


Scenario 1: Susan won't forgive.
Susan decides never to forgive Jason and goes through life with this baggage of what happened. Two years later she meets Dave and they fall in love. Dave is a really nice guy, always honest and trustworthy, but Susan is afraid that Dave might do the same to her as Jason did. She becomes extremely protective over Dave and wants to know every detail of where he's been and who he hanged out with. They go on like this for a couple of months, but then one fine Saturday morning Dave breaks up with her because of a lack of privacy and because he feels smothered. Susan is in ruins. Jason is nonplussed.


Scenario 2: Susan forgives him.
Susan decides to forgive Jason and moves on. Two years later she meets Dave and they fall in love. Dave is a really nice guy, always honest and trustworthy, and thus Susan can enjoy their relationship without worrying about where Dave is or who he hangs out with. They go on like this for a year or two and Dave finally decides to take their relationship to the next level. One fine Saturday morning he proposes to Susan, they marry and live happily ever after. Susan is ecstatic. Jason is nonplussed.


This is, of course, just an example and things don't always go according to examples, but the point I'm trying to make is that you're always pulling at the short end when you don't forgive. No matter what Susan decides to do, Jason stays nonplussed. He isn't affected by Susan's lack of forgiveness toward him. If you go through life with this sort of baggage, you're only disadvantaging yourself and possibly even your future. I love the way Lewis B. Smedes puts it:

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

When forgiving someone, it is important to also forget. Most people get this saying wrong. Yes, you must forget in the sense of moving on, but it is important to remember what you (and others) did wrong in the situation. Where did you make the wrong decisions? What were the pro's and con's of those decisions? What was the cause of the problem? What can you do to ensure you make the right choices next time? The most important thing is to learn from your mistakes. No one can achieve more in the future than they have in the past, if they don't take the time to learn from experience.


This is probably why I forgive so easily. I'm not afraid of what might, or might not happen in the future. I don't want to limit myself and my future because of unnecessary baggage. I don't want to make the same mistakes or cause myself to make worse mistakes in the future. I want to move on. I want to forgive. I want to love freely...